So…

I guess its prime time for me to share about myself since the purpose of this blog is for me to be transparent.

My senior year of high school (I’m currently a senior in college), I found out that I was a product of rape.

My mom was out on a date and afterwards, instead of taking her home, my father raped her. She never told anyone until she noticed her body changing. 

When her family found out they tried to make her have an abortion but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. So they abandoned her. They kicked her out of the house and left her to fend for herself.

My mom’s best-friend’s family took her in and helped her to take care of me. She had to drop out of high school and get a job.

After about 2 years later, her family realized their wrongs and asked her to come back home but by that time the damage had been done.

And even though we went back, the subconscious results were still there, brewing, waiting patiently for the day that they could consume me.

Fast forward back to my senior year in high school. I was struggling with my identity; I had this “random” fear of rejection, and I was very clingy. 

It wasn’t until I truly started walking with God in college, that I realized the impact that these series of events had on my life.

For the longest, I could not forgive, I could not grasp the concept of grace, and when people did something to hurt me I felt it in my core.

This summer I have been reading Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero and it has changed my life. It has helped me to realize why I am the way I am, why things affect me the way they do and how to overcome them.

I am so happy to say that even though my conception sucks, I am so grateful to have life and I am so grateful to have a mother who stood up for me when no one else would.

I finally feel free from this and I know that the best is yet to come!